51 critical questions to ask your father
By  Earl el-amin

“The first man that I ever knew is still the best man that I have ever known, my father.”

I consider myself a very fortunate man. The relationship that I had with my father until his death on January 16, 2001, is one that I will forever cherish. Listed are some of the questions raised and discussed with my father, and I believe they are critical questions that should be discussed between African American fathers and their sons. Only a very nurturing and caring relationship could produce these questions and all of them were raised through different stages of my manhood development process. I hope that the questions listed will provide a starting point for sons to engage their fathers in positive and constructive dialogue, and I hope fathers will begin preparing themselves mentally, spiritually and personally to answer most, if not all, of the questions listed. Moreover, I hope more questions will be added to the list. Let the development of exceptional men, fathers, and husbands begin.

1.                   Who is God to you?

2.                   Who and what influenced your political and social ideas?

3.                   How did you deal with racism and white supremacy systems?

4.                   Why is an education so important?

5.                   What did you want to be when you grew up?

6.                   What is the biggest mistake you made in your life? How can I profit from it?

7.                   What does it take to be a good father?

8.                   How do you handle adversity?

9.                   Are sports important? Why?

10.               What is your favorite movie?

11.               Does marriage mean forever?

12.               What is your time of the year?

13.               What are some of your favorite books?

14.               What is the most important thing to remember about money?

15.               How will I know when a risk is worth taking?

16.               What is the biggest risk you have ever taken?

17.               What should a man look for in a woman?  

18.               How do you determine a good person?

19.               Who is your best friend?

20.               What determines a real friend?

21.               What should I do when someone betrays my trust?

22.               Why is it so important to study?

23.               Is there a difference raising males and females?

24.               How do you define success?

25.               Have you traveled to other places in the world?

26.               Were there incidents that changed the course of your life?

27.               Is there a difference between the world you grew up in and the world today?

28.               How do I become a man?

29.               If you could change one thing on your life, what would it be?

30.               Should I forgive people who betray my trust?

31.               When did you start dating girls?

32.               Should I have premarital sex?

33.               What is your greatest achievement?

34.               Who do you admire the most? Why?

35.               Did you get to know your father?

36.               What kind of music do you prefer? Why?

37.               What is the best time in life for a man?

38.               What have you learned from being a father and a husband?

39.               What are your guiding principles for life?

40.               What is a father’s primary role?

41.               What is a husband’s primary role?

42.               How do you want your children to think of you?

43.               How does the role of a father and mother differ?

44.               Does a man love differently than a woman?

45.               What makes you proud being an African American man?

46.               Did you enjoy being single?

47.               Does being a father come naturally?

48.               What makes a good wife?

49.               What did you worry about the most when we were growing up?

50.               How did you meet my mother?

51.               Did you ever contemplate walking away from your family responsibilities?